Overcoming the 30’s blues: A guide for the unmarried Nigerian Lady

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So, you have lived through the blossoming teenage years and the fast paced twenties. Now, you find yourself in the ‘dreaded’ 30s; dreaded because of your unmarried status since birthdays are usually deemed worthy of celebration. You try to faze the world and say it does not matter but you find your life is being defined by the society’s stamp of ideals. If you are not careful, you might just lose yourself in the tide that follows. It is worse in the Nigerian society where a lady is only given due respect when she wields the ‘Mrs’ title. How can you overcome the blues that come with being in your 30s and single in Nigeria? Continue reading to discover some ideas.

Stop waiting
The first thing you would notice is the lag in your life. They call you lady in waiting, so you actually transcribe this attribute into all aspects of your life. When you plan for things, you put them in a cupboard of ‘I will do them after I get married’. Then, you keep waiting and get frustrated because you are holding off so much for this one expectation. Stop waiting already! Start to live like this is the life you have always wanted. You want a change in your career or an upgrade to the next level, do it! You want to buy a car or build a house? Go ahead and damn all the theories about how that will keep away intending suitors. Stop waiting and start living.

Image credit: The Sheet

Choose your company
You do not have to surround yourself with ‘tear-gatherers’. These are people who delight in reminding you of your single status; asking when you are going to invite them to eat rice. If they are so hungry for rice, invite them over one weekend and dash them one cup each of uncooked rice to cook in their homes. Well, maybe you should not go to so much trouble, just tell them you are not the ‘keeper of rice’. Whether this set of people are friends or family, stand up to them and tell them not to pressure you. They often veil their pressure under cans of genuine concern for you. You don’t have to tolerate badgering, no matter how well-intended it seems. Spend time with people who treat you normal, not like an invalid needing treatment for being in your 30s and single.

Image Credit: SWAN-NG

Count your blessings
If you have adhered to the first advice of not waiting and going ahead to achieve all that you desire, you should have so much to be thankful for. Focus on these blessings and if you are religious, learn an attitude of praise so much that nothing can disturb you. Here is an unpopular nugget - use the tragic marriages to comfort yourself. Yes, you are not supposed to gloat at the misery of others. However, thinking over these incidences of unfortunate marriages will help you feel better. Imagine, you could be that woman trending on blogs for being battered to death or bathed with acid by a rabid husband. This could have easily been you, if you had given in to pressure to marry the first male homosapien that came your way. Be peaceful in your choice of not being one of these statistics.

Image Credit: Women's Meeting Place

Date, date and date again
The most common advice, you must have gotten from people is about removing unserious men from your life. However, you may be closing out some wonderful connections and potential relationships this way. If you are looking for the ‘husband material’ in every man you meet, the desperate stamp will be shining and warning off men from a kilometre. Learn to enjoy dates with new acquaintances without necessarily seeing them as a potential suitor. When you decide to weed out prospects, you will not be limited to a few ‘bad’ choices. Dating allows you to choose who to get involved seriously with, without risking your heart another hurt by jump-starting a committed relationship.

Remember, the 30s-mark limit for getting married is a societal construct and should not determine your personal happiness. People have been known to find love in their 40s and even beyond. So if you are in your 30s and unmarried, you too can bloom even in the highly judgmental Nigerian society. 

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